The earliest memories that I hold of my grandfather are ones of a powerfully built man who ‘hit the back of the net’ with every shot, even if the goalkeeper was only four years of age.
Grandad survived the horrors of life in the trenches during the First World War but he lost his brother in a flying accident just as the conflict came to an end.
Then after our ‘gran’ died in the mid 70s his life became pretty empty and the constant memory lapses grew into a state of more advanced confusion. He blew up his kitchen when his scones were not ready on time…..the gas had been turned on for best part of half an hour when his lighted match finally ignited the burner.
Eventually living on his own became just too difficult and he spent the last couple of years of his life in a nursing home.
In the end visiting grandad always left me feeling a bit sad, as we were only able to hold short conversations that were interesting and engaging but he really had no idea who I was or why we were speaking.
But the strangest part of grandad’s journey with dementia was that it took him on a reverse tour of his former life. He seemed to be reliving each day that had had the most emotional impact on him – in descending chronological order.
He even ‘escaped’ one night taking two buses and a short walk to prop up the bar in his old ‘local’, The Squirrel. ‘Mark’s been fine’, the barman confirmed when we finally found him. ‘Good as gold. He’s had a few, but he hasn’t bought a round all night!’
Some days the neurons that housed his emotions seemed to outnumber those that ordered his memories and with it any perception of reality was swept away in a tidal wave of confusion.
But as I watched grandad being dragged back through time by some invisible force, verbalising his experiences as he relived them, I was somehow comforted by the bizarre way that I was learning about his life – a life that was being played out in the present.
And it was just like that on Saturday………
Dean Holdsworth’s appointment as manager of Aldershot Town was announced shortly after a pathetically shambolic defeat by Oxford United, on January 8th 2011.
The final whistle…..a 2v1 defeat by the resurgent U’s and I said my goodbyes to friends and family, quickly making my way out of the North Stand to join a despondent crowd of Shots fans trudging helplessly out of the Recreation Ground.
An embarrassed row of policemen and stewards stood silently, offering protection to the changing rooms and Directors Lounge….. a sad and somewhat apologetic response to the growing calls for change……
I stopped briefly underneath the Directors Lounge and was quickly engulfed by perhaps a hundred ‘protesters’. The resigned and timid mutterings increasingly drew on an inner corporate strength and then with an explosion of Recreation Ground emotion…..
’Dillon Out’….’we want our football back’….the call from the fans desperate but somehow assertive. The police linked arms and gently reprised their Millbank student riot manoeuvres, moving the crowd down towards the High Street and out of our Directors’ sight.
I made my way back up Redan Road, threading a way through the joyous hoards of Oxford supporters and strutting policemen. I sat motionless in my car for perhaps a few seconds, just a moment of depressed contemplation……’I can’t keep doing this……our Club is being dismantled in front of my eyes’.
I fired up the engine and hit the CD button….I couldn’t risk hearing manager Kevin Dillon on BBC Radio Surrey and Robbie Savage on ‘606’ would inevitably add 3 points to my driving licence………
A Shot From Wales – The Inevitable Denouement 18th January 2011
I think I relived the experience on Saturday, as we were humiliated by a no more than competent Oxford United…..but if my emotional neurons can take control it won’t be long before Jack Howarth strides out from the changing rooms underneath the South Stand and I will get my football back………
Dean Holdsworth and Matthew Bishop took over at Aldershot Town on January 12th 2011....the end of year report isn't looking good Dean.
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