I'm a miserable shopper......

Like Adelie penguins approaching the edge of the ice shelf, we shuffled, as one, towards the check-out. Arms stretched to the extreme. Baskets full of toys and games.

Michael. Is he two or three? And Peter a year older, surely. Matthew…..does he really like science? And he must be six now? Children these days seem to know so much more...or do they?.

I know my brothers and sister emailed lists. Page after page of what everyone wanted. From Leslie Thomas to Thomas the Tank Engine. Spitfires to Wings. So much I could have bought.

But where would be the fun in that. Who ever remembers the Uncle that purchased the present you really wanted?

No, it is the miniature Swiss Cuckoo Clock bought, after too many glasses of red wine, at 3.30pm on Christmas Eve 35 years ago, just as the shops were about to close, that still holds pride of place in my sister’s kitchen. Sindy…..what four year old girl would want a Sindy doll when you could have a miniature Swiss Cuckoo Clock?

The Penguins moved forward remorselessly. And as I approached the tills, no sound of cash. ‘Plastic’ the miserable curse of Christmas.

Yes, ‘I’m a miserable shopper...get me out of here!’

But sadly for many, it will be ‘help’, miserable in January because they can’t pay the Visa bill.

The season of goodwill to all approaches……..but for you Gordon….not just yet. You don’t help yourself. Your failure to get to the Treaty signing didn’t go unnoticed. Was it 26 Heads of Government and 27 Foreign Ministers who managed to clear their diaries to get to Lisbon? So was it the usual cock up or was it a clever plan?

Mmmmm, Gordon clever plan? New Labour cock up?

Well that smug looking David Cameron would certainly put it down to cock up. Every week he cries ‘pathetic’ at Prime Minister's questions. Now just a brief word of advice David….we can all see that the Government is pathetic. What would be really clever, is if you could actually deliver a substantive package of proposals that increase the pressure on the hapless PM. Yes, sooner not later would be good. Or the world may just conclude that you are more fluff than substance.

Ah, but ‘Baldrick’ what a star.

I always thought he had the best lines in Blackadder. The short but superbly observed phrase. The look….the perfect timing. ‘Oh, there’s a nasty splinter on that ladder, Sir! A bloke could hurt himself on that.’ - Blackadder Goes Forth - Goodbyeee.

Yes, Vince Cable has developed a well observed approach to remind the Government that splinters can be very dangerous…..

Stafford Rangers last Saturday…4v3.….top of the League and seven points clear. Not the most convincing of performances but then I never thought we would do anything other than win. Torquay then closed the gap with a 2v1 win at Farsley. And so we go into a two weekend break from league action four points clear at the top of the Blue Square Premier….who would have predicted that at the start of the season?

Yes, as we all tuck into our Christmas Day feast we will raise our glasses…..

‘The Lads. We are top of the League’.